That nagging sensation….

The rough draft of Enclave is done. That was a wonderful milestone. But I had little time to enjoy it. I’ve set a serious deadline for myself. I want to get a polished manuscript to my Editor by the end of July. It’s a shame I have to work…

It’s been frustrating, liberating, enjoyable and painful. Why do writers do this??? I’ve come to the conclusion, as so many other writers have, that we suffer from a disease. Some unheard of psychological aliment not listed in the DSMV. Someday, I’ll collaborate with one of my colleges and find a cure. But for now, the only cure is to write, then write some more, then keep writing.

I took a small break to make a cup of coffee. My brain hurt. I had to recharge. I wondered why I had this nagging feeling of claustrophobia. It’s not where I’m writing. I enjoy my little writing nook. No, the feeling crept up on me like a silent killer, a colorless gas with no smell filling up the room…

I finally put it into words as I twirled my spoon, clinking it inside my mug.

When you start out writing something, there are so many many possibilities. It’s the endless universe. As you continue putting words on the page, those possibilities are reduced. The more you write, the less the possibility. You’re honing in on a singularity. Eventually you have no more “wiggle room” you feel closed in. Your story has one and only one conclusion.

That was the feeling of claustrophobia I was experiencing as I worked through my rough draft. Recognizing it has made me feel better.

I’m actually excited. My story has a clear goal, a focus. It has a “singularity.”

I had to delete whole swashes of the rough draft. It didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. It felt good, actually. That stuff was fun to write and it was totally necessary for me to write it, but it really wasn’t important to the story.

I did have to rewrite the entire first section of Enclave. I wanted to roam a little in the story, take little detours, but I restrained myself. My only fear now is that I’ve taken some of the “life” out of it. Maybe that’s just a reaction to all of the deleting I’ve been doing.

My editor emailed to see how it was going. I expressed my concern to her and she emailed back. “Don’t worry. We can always add stuff if it is needed. Just get it done.”

That made me feel good. There will be time to “add stuff” if it’s needed.

Hopefully my beta readers will give me direction on that.

Well, I’m off to continue editing. Wish me luck.

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